Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘pain’

music_speaks_what-136004

 

Music has always had a profound effect on me. Certain songs make me want to get up and dance, white other songs are sure to bring me to tears. Music seems to have the ability to reach inside of me and stir my deepest emotions. Depending on what I’m listening to it can be invigorating or calming, healing or even sometimes painful. I’ve often said that music is the “key to my soul”.

 

download

 

In the past few years piano music is the one type of music that can touch me in especially profound ways. At times when I have found myself in a low place it has been the only kind of music that I could ‘feel’ in my soul. It has allowed me to tap into emotions that I had pushed down and tried to ignore. The music has given me an avenue to work through some of those feelings.  It has provided a real sense of peace and of healing at times I needed it the most.

 

images

 

One song in particular can move me like no other—Crisofori’s Dream by David Lanz. The minute that song begins to play my heart comes alive. That song takes me through a myriad of emotions. It begins with a very sad feeling, but there are moments of joy as well. There are several ups and downs during the course of the song and my heart soars and falls along with those changes. One section always makes me feel optimistic and give me a sense that things will be ‘ok’. For me the song always ends with a feeling of peace. The last part of the song is the sad melody, but it somehow gives me a sense of acceptance and contentment.

 

life_is_like_a_piano__by_its_only_levi-d59tc92

 

I’ve listened to that song countless times, but I am now able to feel it in a new way – playing it myself.  I played piano when I was younger, but had given away my piano some years ago. I recently made the decision to play again and bought a beautiful piano. Of course, the first song I learned to play was Cristofori’s Dream. The minute I began to play the opening notes I felt such a sense of ………. I don’t even know what word to use…contentment, peace, passion, healing, excitement, joy and even grief. I knew that I would be spending a great deal of time at my piano.

 

piano_quote

 

As I worked on learning the entire song I didn’t really feel the usual emotions due to concentrating so hard on getting notes and inflections right, but as I conquered more and more of the music, I began to experience it in an emotional way. One evening I was playing and at one section I found myself beginning to weep.  Now as I play it, I am able to enjoy it and ‘feel’ the music.

 

182232_20140513_212233_Jaden

 

I’ve since learned several more beautiful and moving songs, but this one will always have a special place in my heart. When I just want to sit down and ‘feel’ the music this will most likely be the song I play.

If you want to ‘experience’ this song, here is a link to it being played by David Lanz. Cristofori’s Dream

 

pian

An evening at my piano with a glass of wine…….wonderful!

IMG_9281

Playing Cristofori’s Dream

***I was listening to Pandora as I wrote this and just as I was typing the last sentence, guess what song began to play………and yes, it still brings me to tears.  

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

 

 

IMG_8578

 Sulphur Mountain Banff Canada

.

The line between courage and craziness can sometimes be blurry. As a 52-year old grandma, I viewed myself as somewhat courageous because I’m still very active—I enjoy many outdoor activities including road cycling and backpacking. My perspective on that, however, has come into question.

 

My husband and I were in Banff, Canada, in the Canadian Rockies, for a business trip and we decided to make good use of the free time before the organized events began. The first day we rode mountain bikes along two fairly easy trails, but then decided to attempt a third more difficult trail. I quickly began to question our choice as it wasn’t a typical mountain bike trail, but had steep banks that had been filled in with loose rocks/gravel because the dirt had been washed away. There were many times as I was slip-sliding my way up a hill or inching my way down another that I was doing some serious praying. (i.e. “Please let me survive this.”) After several hours we did make it back to the hotel in one piece albeit with very tired legs and arms (from holding on so tight to the handlebars.)

 

 

20140516_103030

 Me before the trail got rocky  (thus the smile)

.

The next day took my questioning to a higher level. We decided to hike Sulphur Mountain, which is a fairly aggressive four mile alpine hike to the summit. I think under normal conditions we would have been OK, but the trail had a lot more snow than we expected. The trail started out as dirt and mud with little patches of snow , but as we climbed there were more and more sections that were snow covered and slippery. We both found ourselves slipping every once in a while, but then as we neared the top, I made one very poor choice in my footing. I was on a very snowy stretch, but there was a narrow strip of dirt along the edge of the trail and I decided to walk on the dirt since it was less slippery than the snow/ice. Unfortunately, as I set my foot on the dirt, it gave way. I instantly found myself on my back, sliding down the side of the mountain — I mean SLIDING at a fast rate of speed. Please understand that this is the kind of thing I’ve only seen in scary movies, but suddenly I was living it and I was TERRIFIED!

20140517_102152

 Me before the fall (again, smiling before disaster)

.

As I slid, I frantically grabbed at any branch, root or plant I flew past. At one point I caught the branch of a pine tree but was moving so fast that I couldn’t keep my grip and began to pick up speed. Just as I lost hope of being able to stop myself I saw a tree in my path and braced for the impact. Luckily, I caught the tree with one of my thighs and finally came to a stop with my legs straddling the tree and my arms wrapped around, holding on for dear life. I breathed a sigh of relief as I could tell that nothing was broken, but that there were lot of cuts and bruises. My husband had started to slide down to try and help me, but its was so steep and slippery that he lost control too. He managed to stop quite a bit above me and we began to talk and try to figure out what to do next.  If we tried to climb back up to the trail by ourselves the risk of beginning to slide again was a very real possibility.

 

banff_sulphur-mountain-1_big

 Trail before it got more snowy and scary

.

Just then, some ‘rescuers’ came upon us. There were 3 strapping, young men coming up the trail behind us and my husband called out to them to ask for help. They carefully supported each other and climbed down to help us back up to the trail. Once I was safely back on the trail, I realized that the only way to get out of this mess was to keep climbing and finish the last mile of the hike so that we could ride the gondola down.  (Yes, we could have ridden the gondola to the top, but where’s the fun in that?)  Trying to hike back down under such slippery conditions would have been WAY more dangerous than continuing to climb. After another mile or so of hiking through snow with my shaky legs and stinging cuts we finally reached the top.

 

20140517_115611

At the top—shaky, but smiling

.

Back at the hotel, as I got my wounds cleaned and tried to assess whether I needed stitches, I began to ponder the question of whether I’m courageous or crazy. I realized how lucky I was and felt grateful for several things. First, I was very thankful that I didn’t break any bones and that I somehow escaped with just scrapes on the back of my arms, larger cuts on my legs and bruises in all kinds of places.  I was also grateful that I had packed mostly slacks and long sleeved shirts for the rest of the week since my arms and legs were NOT very pretty. I was, of course, also thankful that my hands escaped unharmed so I could keep making jewelry. 🙂

 

So…here’s the question…..is a 52-year old Grandma that does somewhat risky things like this courageous or crazy? …. And, even if she’s crazy—– should she stop? I kinda think that crazy isn’t always a bad thing. 🙂

 

l

Gondola ride down Sulphur Mountain

 

20140517_121807View of trail near the top from Gondola

.

PS—Believe it or not, I climbed back on a mountain bike a few days later, but I was VERY nervous and extremely cautious—-basically a ‘chicken’.  I guess I’m going to stay ‘crazy’, but maybe a bit more cautious than before.

 

Read Full Post »

il_170x135.435479713_hrjb

“Write your hurts in the SAND and you blessings in STONE.”

When I first read this quote I liked it, however, I changed my mind as I thought about it.  I realized that it’s not really possible to do, nor is it a beneficial thing to even try to do.  No matter how much we may try to deny it, we ARE a product of all our past experiences — the bad as well as the good.  Each and every thing that enters our life shapes us in some way.  Everyone experiences hurts as well as  blessings and it is impossible to have the hurts simply disappear like words that are written in sand.

brave

None of us can choose when or how a painful circumstance may enter our lives, but we can choose how we allow events to change us.  I know it sounds cliche’ to talk about pain making you stronger, but if you spend time with people who have experienced deep wounding in their life, you will often find this to be true.  Walking through painful times can allow people to find a strength they had not yet known was possible.  People often come through tough experiences stronger than they went into them.  This definitely isn’t something that happens in a day, a month, or even a year–it is a long and arduous process of facing the hurt, allowing yourself to grieve and then finding ways to live your life while your heart begins to heal.

broken

Brokenness in our lives can not only make people stronger, but can make them more beautiful.  A person who has come through hard times in life is often capable of deeper levels of acceptance, forgiveness, compassion and love. There is a profound and indescribable beauty in someone who has walked through a deep pain and is then able to show someone else amazing compassion.   Having a friend who is truly able to understand your  pain can be an incredible comfort.  Being able to see that someone has survived that kind of pain can give hope to one who may be at the beginning of that journey.

images (30)

If you are in deep pain right now, I hope my words don’t come across as thoughtless or cavalier.   I’m not saying any of these things lightly because  I, myself, am one who is still in the process of healing and trying to internalize these things.  Wherever you are on your journey it is my hope and prayer that you are able to find that strength inside of you, but that you also find people you can lean on when you need it.  Whatever you may be experiencing in life, I would encourage you accept the fact that it is not ‘written in sand’, whether it be joy or pain.  You can’t always control what may come into your life or what may be taken away, but you can make a choice in how you allow it to change you.  I, for one, hope to allow both good and bad times to shape me into someone who is stronger and more beautiful.

522371_485636724803112_1302488111_n-1

Some choose to allow their pain to turn into bitterness and that is a very sad thing to see.  My beliefs may be different than yours, but I feel that some help from God  is needed to bring true strength and beauty out of pain.  In my experience, my own prayers and those of my friends have helped immensely.  I am at a point in the process that I can begin to see that I am a stronger and more compassionate woman than I used to be.   It is my hope and prayer that you will be able to see the strength and beauty in yourself that pain may have ‘forged’ in your life and that you will find a new or renewed faith in our Heavenly Father/Mother as a result.

WTF1109 qotw the most beautiful pplz

Read Full Post »

In my section ‘a little about me’ I’ve described myself as a woman who feels things deeply and then tries to find ways to express those feelings—-at times through my jewelry. Being a person who feels things deeply can be a blessing as well as a hardship. Feeling the extreme joys in life can be one of the sweetest experiences in life, but feeling deep sadness is one of the hardest. The fact is that you can’t feel one without the other. By opening your soul with complete abandon to love, joy and life your heart becomes immediately open to the more painful emotions of life. I am a person who is brought to tears easily and at times I find myself wishing I could be a bit less ‘prolific’ in that way, but in many ways I’m extremely thankful that I am that kind of person. I recently found this quote and it touched my soul and made me even more thankful for my ‘gift’ of tears.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the make of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…..and unspeakable love. ”

–Washington Irving

There is something cleansing in tears. They are caused by deep emotions that can not be contained, but find their way out of your soul in the form of beautiful teardrops. I’ve always appreciated the unique beauty of teardrop pearls, gems and beads. They have such a feeling of warmth and beauty to them and it suddenly dawned on me that they are a perfect symbol for human tears. Tears are warm and if you really think about it, they are often beautiful. Granted, we may not consider ourselves ‘beautiful’ with splotchy faces and swollen eyes from crying, but the tears that form in our hearts, flow from our eyes and gently slide down our cheeks are packed full of whatever is in our souls and that can be a truly beautiful thing.

The emotions behind tears can be very complex. They are often caused by several different emotions at one time. One kind of tear in particular has a unique beauty to it—the tear that is brought about by joy and pain at the same time. There is something exquisitely beautiful about being able to cry tears of joy about something that is also causing pain as well. It is a true blessing to be able to feel inexpressible joy for someone’s good fortune even though that same good fortune causes pain in your own heart. I think that is the kind of tears that the quote above is referring to. Those tears are ‘messengers of overwhelming grief…..and unspeakable love’.

I, for one, am thankful for the gift of being able to shed those kinds of teardrops and I am reminded of a passage from the Bible…Psalm 56:8.

You have kept record
of my days of wandering.
You have stored my tears
in your bottle
and counted each of them.

I am truly beginning to believe that God does see each and every tear we cry and when those tears are the result of love, especially a love that He/She has placed in our hearts………..I like to think those are kept in an especially beautiful bottle. Those tears are a visible sign of true love. Tears that are the result of that kind of inexplicable love are what I see as ‘treasured teardrops’.

I have a feeling that you may be seeing more teardrops worked in to my designs in the weeks and months to come and you will know that they are in some small way a tangible expression of my deep feelings and are visible symbols of my ‘treasured teardrops’.

I share this with the hope that for any of you who find tears streaming down your cheeks will somehow be able to see some small amount of beauty in them………..even midst the pain that may be causing them.

Teardrop Designs by Brenda Elaine

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: